Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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