Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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