Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
