is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
