i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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