I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
