Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
