listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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