At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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