Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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