You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
