It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
