I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
