Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
