Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize