I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
