Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
