just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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