Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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