She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
