omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
