My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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