My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is my gift to your gina
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
