Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
