oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize