how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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