OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
