You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
