He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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