I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
