I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
