You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
