oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
