I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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