I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
