o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
