This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
