I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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