I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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