We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i will never coherently bang her
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
