i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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