It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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