remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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