My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
