It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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