Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
