Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
