im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
