Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You've changed since you got that strap on
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
