Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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