Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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