names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
