The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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