You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
