When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize