watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
