Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am naked and annoyed.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
