We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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