I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
