He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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