Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize