Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
