i barfeds in our rink
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
