a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
