I think I died a long time ago.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
