omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
