this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
