i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
