I think my vagina is haunted
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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