He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize