is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
and you fell through a lawn chair
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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