Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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