ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
