Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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