i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
