stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize