Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
