So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
