she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize