There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
